The Best of "Shit My Dad Says" on Twitter

Everybody's favorite Dad is the king of keeping it real.

In 2009, a guy named Justin Halpern moved back home with his parents. No matter how well you get along with your parents, living under their roof as an adult simply can't lead to anything good... can it?

Turns out, living with the 'rents can not only be good, it can be life changing! Justin started transcribing some of the crazy things his 73-year-old father said to him and sharing them on his Twitter account, and before long, "Shit My Dad Says" became a massive hit both online and off. Soon after his tweets started going viral, Halpern landed a book deal and a sitcom development deal with CBS.

Before Shit My Dad Says became a household name, the hilariously frank and outrageously funny tweets stood on their own. Here's a compilation of the best tweets from Shit My Dad Says.

NSFW Note: Justin's dad uses foul language... you've been warned!

Dad on Traveling

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

Definitely a memory to be cherished.

Related: 5 Creative Dads Who Are Winning At Parenting, Thanks To Photoshop.

Dad on Reality Stars

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

Dad is 100% NOT wrong on this one. Does anyone even remember where Tila Tequila even came from? And can we please send her back?

Dad on Birthday Gifts

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

Classic dad!

Related: Introducing Fashion Dads, Your New Favorite Instagram Page.

Dad on Technology

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

The truth hurts, and this is absolutely true.

You might also like: 20 Parents Who Are Awful At Text Messaging.

Dad, Keeping It Real

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

"A tornado of bullshit" is pretty much the most apropos insult ever uttered.

Dad on Going Bald

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

No one understands the power of karma quite like Justin's dad.

Dad Being Brutally Honest

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

You've gotta love it when someone prefaces a truly insulting remark with "don't take this the wrong way." 

Recommended: The Greatest Insults Found In The Urban Dictionary.

Dad on Sharing. (Or Not)

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

When it comes to meatballs, charity does NOT start at home. It starts nowhere. BACK OFF MY MEATBALLS K THX.

Dad Telling It Like It Is

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

This comment is so true, I want to put it on a bumper sticker so that I can look at it every day.

Related: 15 Funny Signs That Are Way More Confusing Than Helpful.

Dad on Modesty

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

It might be true, but it's still way harsh, Dad.

Dad on Parenting

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

If only more parents took this laid back approach to parenting!

Recommended: 5 Adorable Babies Going Bonkers Over Their Favorite Songs.

Dad on Battle Wounds

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

I don't know, 13 inches still sounds pretty bad. (Yes, yes; that's what she said.)

 

Dad on Exercising

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

I'm pretty sure I've said this exact same thing after being forced to exercise. Minus the part about the fanny pack, that is... I do have some shame.

See also: The Art of Taking Laziness To The Next Level.

Dad on Childhood Obesity. Or Is It Baseball?

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

Just because it's not nice doesn't mean it's not true. Still, this is harsh, even for Dad.

Speaking of baseball, check out 9 Absurd First Pitches That Are So Awful, They're Funny.

Dad on Dating

Via Twitter/shitmydadsays.

Now this is some solid man-to-man advice. Why not get out there and join Tinder or something? If all else fails, you can just lie to everyone and say you have a girlfriend in Canada or something. Or there's always Photoshop.