The Official "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" Website

FYI, Jack Handey is still having Deep Thoughts.

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
Via YouTube/SaturdayNightLive.

File this under: Websites We Didn't Know Still Existed.

See Also: Famous Names We Assumed Were Pen Names, but Actually Belong to Real People.

That's right, I'm about to blow your mind. First of all, who knew that Jack Handey, made infamous by the Saturday Night Live "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" bits from 1991 to 1998, was a real guy? It's true! He's a writer who also worked on some very funny SNL sketches like (a personal favorite of mine) "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer" and "Toonces the Driving Cat."

Mind = Blown!

Here's a little background on Deep Thoughts:

Saturday Night Live used to include these very short bits in between their comedy sketches. Originally, the Deep Thoughts bits featured the voice of Phil Hartman (RIP) in the introduction, then Jack Handey, REAL GUY, would read the surprising, iconic, and always hilarious statements. Relaxing music played over pastoral scenes, increasing the feeling that you were watching a very Zen relaxation video... yet when coupled by the acerbic thoughts of Jack Handey, REAL GUY, the quick sketches became a favorite among viewers.

On the website Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, the funny moments live on even decades after the segments stopped airing on SNL. On the site, Jack Handey still doles out his satirical observations and much sought after "inspirational" quotations. 

His website also offers humorous articles written by Mr. Handey himself, plus his short Fuzzy Memories videos resurrecting the past.

Here are a few Deep Thoughts to remind you of why they're awesome. All of these quotes are replicated here courtesy of Jack Handey's Official Website.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. 

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling. 

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. 

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. 

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. 

If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting! If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did." 

"Sometimes I just feel like curling up on the floor in front of the fireplace, and just rolling around the room, like a tumbleweed, and not even caring if I knock things over, or break them. And if people get mad, maybe because it's their house or something, you can just shake your head and go, "What happened?"

This article was updated by Beverly Jenkins on November 15, 2016.