This Season's Hot New Dinosaur Hairstyles

01
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Want to Look Like a Dinosaur? Check Out These Hot Prehistoric Hairstyles!

Alain Beneteau

Are you dying for a new do? Have you had enough of the latest bobs and lobs and kablobs that peak and crash just as you drop 200 bucks at your local stylist? Then you should consider these prehistoric hairdos, all genuinely real (yes, we have actual fossil evidence) and torture-tested by hundreds of millions of years of evolution.

 

02
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The Kosmo (as Modeled by Kosmoceratops)

kosmoceratops
University of Utah

Bangs are so 1994. If you really want to stand out from the crowd, try combing over your thinning forelocks a la Kosmoceratops, and then supplement the 'do with some awesome brow piercings.You'll be elected herd alpha in no time, and just think of the available females!

03
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The Meat Cleaver (as Modeled by Nyctosaurus)

nyctosaurus
Dmitry Bogdanov

Are you tired of people rolling their eyes and pretending to check their iPhones when you walk into a room? Just flash your hairstylist this picture of Nyctosaurus and shout, "I want to be noticed, dammit, and spare no expense!" (Note: you may have to shell out a few thousand dollars for styling gel.)

 

04
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The Pointy-Headed Boss (as Modeled by Carnotaurus)

carnotaurus
Wikimedia Commons

When you give an order at work, do your underlings a) snap immediately to attention and gather intently around the whiteboard or b) stare at you blankly as they continue their game of Candy Crush? If the latter, this Carnotaurus-inspired hairdo will let them know who's in charge!

 

05
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The Butthead (as Modeled by Acrotholus)

acrotholus
Wikimedia Commons

You're going bald. Face the facts. At least you're not going extinct, like the clueless Acrotholus pictured here. Own your baldness, flaunt it, like other people flaunt their toy poodles and the Apple Watches they have no idea how to use. And if they don't like it, lower your head and charge.

 

06
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The Cold Crest (as Modeled by Cryolophosaurus)

cryolophosaurus
Alain Beneteau

Nothing shouts "I am in the prime of my manhood and ready to mate with multiple females" like a feathery, fringed, ear-to-ear pompadour. In fact, this hairstyle (as modeled by Cryolophosaurus) will be more effective if you actually DO shout "I am in the prime of my manhood and ready to mate with multiple females."

 

07
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The Alien (as Modeled by Parasaurolophus)

parasaurolophus
Wikimedia Commons

The meek, as the Bible says, will inherit the earth, but that doesn't mean they're safe from wedgies as they cluster around the water cooler. If you have a retiring disposition, this Alien-inspired do (modeled by Parasaurolophus) will make your coworkers ask, "is it worth teasing this chick and have something explode from my stomach?"

 

08
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The Hedgehog (as Modeled by Pegomastax)

pegomastax
Tyler Keillor

Are the walls of your cell decorated with pictures of Nosferatu? Do you have "hate" and "love" tattooed on the knuckles of your right and left hand? If so, ask the prison barber to give you a Hedgehog, as modeled by Pegomastax, a dinosaur so unpopular that everyone else at the watering hole pretended it was extinct.

 

09
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The Jayne Mansfield (as Modeled by Arsinoitherium)

arsinoitherium
Wikimedia Commons

That's quite a pair, huh? If you crave that "hey, who shot a pair of Titan MX missiles through my back?" look, just take a clue from Arsinoitherium's, um, very prominent sexually selected evolutionary adaptation. (Note: you may have a hard time getting through doorways and avoiding jostling people on the subway.)

 

10
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The Big Toe (as Modeled by Oviraptor)

oviraptor
Wikimedia Commons

Some days you just want your head to look like a big toe--a big toe capped by a giant, overgrown, fungus-ridden big toenail. (Hey, don't ask me where I get these tips, I'm just copying the cover lines from my wife's copy of Elle.) Oviraptor was a true fashion pioneer, sporting this bold look tens of million years ago!

 

11
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The Mesozoic Mullet (as Modeled by Isisaurus)

isisaurus
Dmitry Bogdanov

Want to strike a memorable pose with the gang the next time you hunch over your Pabst Blue Ribbons? It's time for a Guy's Night Out, pronto, to that barber on the corner that doubles as a pawn shop. Won't your fellow AA members be envious as they check out your Isisaurus-inspired mullet and back hair combo!