Tony Blair Jokes

Late-Night Jokes About British Prime Minister Tony Blair

See Also: Latest Late-Night Jokes

"Tony Blair, prime minister of England, is stepping down. He said he wanted to spend more time humping Bush's leg. He said he hopes people remember him as the people's poodle. ... They didn't have the heart to tell Bush. They didn't say Blair was gone. They just said he went to live on a farm." --Bill Maher

"President Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair held their last joint press conference.

President Bush says he's gonna miss listening to Tony Blair, because when he closes his eyes, Blair sounds just like C3PO." --Conan O'Brien

"It was announced in England that Tony Blair will leave as British Prime Minister in May. So, President Bush has toppled yet another government." --Jay Leno

"It's been reported that British Prime Minister Tony Blair is going to be stepping down next summer. After hearing about it, President Bush said, 'Damn, he's the only foreign guy who speaks American.'." --Conan O'Brien

"On Friday, President Bush held a press conference with British Prime Minister Tony Blair and then he met with the 'American Idol,' Taylor Hicks. Those are our two last remaining allies apparently." --Jay Leno

"Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted during an interview this week that he has smacked his children, though only because he believed reports that they were carrying weapons of mass destruction." --Tina Fey

"Tony Blair said yesterday that 'extremists are no longer welcome in the U.K.' So even Tony Blair is trying to distance himself from President Bush." --Jay Leno

"President Bush held a press conference at the White House with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

President Bush likes holding press conferences with Prime Minister Blair because he doesn't have to use any interpreters. Of course, Blair still needs one to understand President Bush." --Jay Leno

"Tony Blair was re-elected for the third time. This is great news for the White House because without Tony Blair, who is there to translate the Bush foreign policy into English?" --Bill Maher

"This week British Prime Minister Tony Blair was re-elected to a record-setting third term as George Bush's bitch." --Amy Poehler

"I have some exciting news.

In Britain, in a Democratic election, Tony Blair has been rewarded with a third term as prime minister. And I just want to say for me -- I'm sorry. It's a little emotional to see democracy flourish in that part of the world. I'm not saying that it's because of the Iraqi war -- but it happened after. They said that you couldn't bring democracy to those scone-eating, tea-drinking bastards and I said 'No, everyone yearns to be free.'" --Jon Stewart

"Tony Blair met with President Bush at the White House yesterday. Did you see their press conference? They’re kind of like the before-and-after commercial for Hooked on Phonics." --Jay Leno

"Some sad news, President Bush's lapdog passed away. Gee, I didn't even know Tony Blair was sick?" —Jay Leno

George Bush Jokes

"President Bush has asked all the major networks for 15 minutes of air time on Thursday to give his farewell speech to the nation. Well, the White House says he's going to use part of the time to list his accomplishments. No word yet what he's going to do with the other 14 minutes." --Jay Leno

"But I think everybody has warm feelings for George Bush now. He held his final press conference yesterday. He admitted — it takes a big man to do this — he admitted that a couple things didn’t go according to plan.

A couple of things went haywire. His first term and his second term. Those two things." --David Letterman

"But President Bush did take credit for a couple of things. He said, you know, Dick Cheney hasn't shot anybody in a couple of years. So that's always good, right?" --David Letterman

"By the way, one week from tomorrow, here's what's going to happen. George W. Bush will be walking around on the ranch in Crawford, Texas, and he'll be saying: 'Listen to this, boys. You ought to see it. The office, it's an oval. Like a circle but it's an oval. I'm not kidding. No corners. It's like an oval. Honest to God. I was there for eight years." --David Letterman