Top 100 Best Lines To Break Up With Someone

Anti-Pickup Lines

Via Imgur.

Need a witty remark to dropkick a girlfriend or boyfriend from your dating life?

For my money, there are maybe a dozen solid jokes on this dumping lines list from Ow, which appears to be largely reader submitted. Nevertheless, 12 funny lines are always welcome. Most *humorous* movies don't have that many.

Here are a few samples to assist you in booting unwanted suitors. Please note: Some adult (NSFW) content is present.

  1. I need more time and more space. That's why I'm moving 12 hours and 7 states away. Yeah sure I'll call you ...the minute I get there. -Later4U -
  2. Break up? (get out magic 8 ball) All signs point to YES. Jimmy Corrona -
  3. Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."-C.J. -
  4. Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU -Homer Simpson -
  5. All my friends at the gay bar said I should go through with the sex change, what do you think? -Johnny B. Bad -
  6. The mothership has returned and I must leave. Pay no attention to my android double when you see it. -De Ole Sarge- 
  7. You've become so incredibly unattractive during these last few minutes, that I don't want to invest any more time trying to have sex with you. -cmdolando -
  8. Sorry, but my leprosy is acting up again. Are you going to eat those fries? -simian- 
  9. Do you think the ceiling needs painting? (Timing is everything with this one.) -De Ole Sarge- 
  1. Oh, hi Julie...erm...Amanda? Judy? Oh, I remember now, its Cindy, right? Tanya? Does it start with a 'T'? -Disco -
  2. You remind me of my dead ex-husband... Let's get married. -Black Widow -
  3. I'm awfully sorry, but I have asexual tendencies... -If I told you, I'd have to kill you -
  4. Would you like to meet my last girlfriend? Really, its no problem, she's still chained up in my basement. -Hey you -
  1. "I'm dying...and I can't ask you to watch me slowly fade away....Please, go now and remember me as I am" -Pegasus -
  2. (Note: this one comes to you courtesy of Homer Simpson.) Six simple words: I'm not gay, but I'll learn. -Melkor -
  3. No, seriously, I thought you were a man the whole time we were dating.-Mad Anthony Wayne -
  4. I got us tickets to Yanni! -Delilah Smud Puddle -
  5. "If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!" -always the EX never the wife -
  6. Piss off wanker. (NOTE: We here at Ow! were not really sure if this was a submission for the 100 dumping lines or if was actually directed at us) -seewhy -
  7. Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you! -Nicole -
  8. I was only hanging around with you because I wanted to get in your mom's pants -SLY -
  9. Don't you just love when leeches get into your pants? -Mac Aronie -
  10. "I break with thee... I break with thee.. I break with thee.. and then throw dog-poop on her/his shoes" (Steve Martin) -anonymous- 
  11. It's me not you. -Na' Chew- 
  12. It's you, not me...I mean it's me, not you. -anonymous- 

See the rest of the 100 Best Dumping Lines list here.

This article was updated by Beverly Jenkins on October 14, 2015.

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