Top 25 Chuck Norris Jokes

Here's a popularĀ Chuck Norris joke. An oft-burglarized bakery put a life size picture of Chuck Norris up in their shop, warning that he was watching over their place. No robbers visited for a month. Oh wait, that one wasn't a joke; it really happened. Perhaps all of the hilarious Chuck Norris comedy found on the internet isn't comedy at all. Maybe it's simply biographical information.

Regardless, here's a list of the top 25 Chuck Norris jokes for your perusal.


Premiere Of Lionsgate Films' 'The Expendables 2' - Red Carpet
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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names.


Chuck Norris can divide by zero.


Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.


Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.


Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.


Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.


Chuck Norris counted to infinity - three times.


Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.


What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.


When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris is suing MySpace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.


There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.


Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books. The words assemble themselves out of fear.


Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.


Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.


Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.


Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.


If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.


If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.


Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He simply decides what time it is.


You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In reality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.


For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.


When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.


We want to hear from you! What is your favorite Chuck Norris joke?
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Your Citation
Rousseau, Robert. "Top 25 Chuck Norris Jokes." ThoughtCo, Sep. 18, 2016, Rousseau, Robert. (2016, September 18). Top 25 Chuck Norris Jokes. Retrieved from Rousseau, Robert. "Top 25 Chuck Norris Jokes." ThoughtCo. (accessed November 22, 2017).