10 Star Wars Products You'll Never Be Able to Afford

01
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Millennium Falcon Bed

Millennium Falcon Bed
Millennium Falcon Bed. Pottery Barn / Lucasfilm Ltd.

It's the bed of every little Jedi's dreams!

When Pottery Barn first unveiled this solid hardwood childrens' bed in late 2015, every Star Wars fan fell in love. And then fell back out of it after seeing the jaw-dropping price: $3,999. For four thousand dollars, I assume Pottery Barn's manufacturing process includes cutting the wood with a golden table saw, assembly by the entire roster of HGTV star designers, and hand-painted by fairies.

If you happen to know a decent carpenter or woodworker, I bet they could build you a close approximation for a fraction of the price.

02
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Star Wars Watch by Devon

Star Wars Watch by Devon
Star Wars Watch by Devon. Devon Timepieces / Lucasfilm Ltd.

You've probably never heard of Devon Timepieces. It's a boutique firm that makes ultra-high-end luxury watches, using a proprietary system of "interwoven time belts." (Devon's watches are cutting-edge tech -- but not digital.)

In honor of everyone's favorite galaxy far, far away, Devon has put together a complex but stylish wristwatch inspired by Darth Vader. Made of some 350 individual, precision-made parts, it sports design elements from Vader's mask at the corners, the wings of his specialized TIE Fighter on the sides, and the Empire's emblem on the crown.

It's undoubtedly cool, in a techno-industrial kind of way. But the price is aimed squarely at the 1%. You can pre-order yours now for $28,500. (A $2,500 down payment is required to reserve one. Pocket change!)

03
of 10

Han Solo in Carbonite - Life-Size Statue

Han Solo in Carbonite - Life-Size Statue
Han Solo in Carbonite - Life-Size Statue. lifesizepropshop / Lucasfilm Ltd.

Who can forget the iconic scene in The Empire Strikes Back when Darth Vader had Han Solo frozen in Carbonite? Harrison Ford's visage in metallic, suspended animation, is an unforgettable image.

Now you can decorate your home with a life-size replica of the real thing. The seller, an eBay store named "lifesizepropshop," provides no information about what it's made of, but it certainly looks authentic.

For $5,000, you can have the ultimate man-cave accessory and make all of your friends experience jealousy as physical pain. You can't put a price tag on that kind of satisfaction.

I mean, who needs two kidneys really?

04
of 10

Supreme Edition Darth Vader Costume

Supreme Edition Darth Vader Costume
Supreme Edition Darth Vader Costume. Rubie's Costumes / Lucasfilm Ltd.

If you absolutely positively have to be the best-dressed Sith Lord at the party, accept no substitutes. This adult "Supreme Edition" costume comes with more than a dozen pieces, including an electronic sound device that replicates Darth Vader's distinctive breathing. And how's this for authentic: plastic pieces were all cast from the actual original Lucasfilm molds. Wow.

Note that it doesn't come with the boots or lightsaber that are pictured -- which, for $1,699, you'd kind of expect it too. But if legitimacy is important and you're ridiculously wealthy, you're in luck.

05
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"Coruscant Tapestry" by Aled Lewis

"The Coruscant Tapestry". Aled Lewis

This photo shows the tapestry cut into four rows; in reality, it's a single row that measures approximately 30 feet long. The brainchild of British artist Aled Lewis, this one-of-a-kind artwork is cross-stitched on Klostern fabric, in an homage to the Bayeux Tapestry.

Its images tell the story of the first six Star Wars films in chronological order, with quotes from the movies stitched in Aurebesh (the written form of standard Basic) across the top and bottom.

The Coruscant Tapestry was crafted for an art show Lewis did in Los Angeles in early 2014, but when the showing wrapped, he made the tapestry available to buy. How much is it, you ask?

Remember how I said it's a one-of-a-kind work of art? Yeah?

It's priced as such.

It's available to buy directly from the artist for £12,000, aka $20,000.

06
of 10

'Star Wars: Battle Pod' Arcade Machine

Star Wars: Battle Pod arcade machine
Star Wars: Battle Pod arcade machine. Bandai Namco / Lucasfilm Ltd.

Looking for the mother of all Star Wars video game experiences? Here it is.

Star Wars: Battle Pod is a specially-constructed arcade machine that features a unique dome-shaped screen, immersing players in the Star Wars universe like never before. Gamers take control of five popular vehicles, including an X-Wing, the Millennium Falcon, a TIE Fighter, and more, flying through major environments that include the Death Star, Yavin, and Hoth. The built-in seat vibrates, your ears are filled with 5.1 surround sound, and air blasts at you at key moments to further enhance the experience.

You can play Battle Pod at a few dozen specialty arcade locations around the U.S. and the U.K. (mostly Dave & Buster's restaurants), but the fan for whom money is no object would never settle for mingling with peasants, right?

In fairness, this is a machine intended for arcades exclusively. But that's one of those minor details that doesn't apply to the super-rich.

The ultimate in-home Star Wars video game experience can be yours for a one-time payment of $30,995.

07
of 10

R2-D2 Moving Refrigerator

R2-D2 Moving Refrigerator
R2-D2 Moving Refrigerator. Aqua / Lucasfilm Ltd.

R2-D2 is ready to become a part of your family with this authentic, full-size replica that rolls and beeps just like the little chrome-dome guy in the movies. You control his movements with the included remote control.

The good news: I doubt you'd be able to find a life-size replica of Artoo that moves and sounds realistic for less than this. Plus, it doubles as a refrigerator that you can summon at will!

The bad news: The only place on earth it's available is Japan. And most of humanity will never be able to afford it.

Japanese residents can plop down $8,650(ish) to pre-order this bad boy right now.

08
of 10

LEGO Super Star Destroyer

LEGO Super Star Destroyer
LEGO Super Star Destroyer. The LEGO Group / Lucasfilm Ltd.

This behemoth of a LEGO build comes with 3,152 pieces and 5 minifigures, and measures over two feet long when built. Sadly, the Denmark-based toy manufacturer is no longer producing this set, but you can still acquire yours from a handful of online retailers.

If you have a spare $1,000 or so laying around.

09
of 10

First Order Stormtrooper - Life-Size Statue

First Order Stormtrooper - Life-Size Statue
First Order Stormtrooper - Life-Size Statue. Anovos / Lucasfilm Ltd.

Is it a costume? A robot bouncer from a Disneyland restaurant? A really big action figure?

Nope, it's a life-like statue, a reproduction of a First Order Stormtrooper from Star Wars: The Force Awakens that's faithful down to the tiniest detail. Made of fiberglass and resin, it doesn't appear to be posable, which is kind of a bummer.

Still, it'd be hard to find anything that puts you on the cutting edge of the new hotness faster than this.

A cool $9,000 is all you need.

10
of 10

14-Karat Gold Cuff Links

14-karat gold Cufflinks
14-karat gold Cufflinks. Neiman Marcus / Lucasfilm Ltd.

Complete your ensemble with these stunning(ly expensive) 14-karat gold cuff links from Neiman Marcus in the shape of Darth Vader's head or Yoda's head.

The Yoda pair, which have the Rebel Alliance emblem on the back, will run you $4,000.

The Darth Vader cuff links, with the Empire symbol on the back, cost $4,200.