Veronica from "Curse of the Pharaoh's Kiss" - Comedic Female Monologue

Context:

Curse of the Pharaoh's Kiss written by Wade Bradford is a full-length comedy set in 1930s Egypt. It is a comic homage to the Mummy movies and adventures serials of Hollywood's golden age. In this funny monologue for actresses (and actors who don't mind playing a female role), Veronica Melville is trapped in the tomb of an ancient pharaoh. To pass the time, she explains to the sailor she just met, Rodney Gunther, what she looks for in a "perfect man."

 

VERONICA:

 

What do I look for in a man? Oh, what every simple woman wants, I suppose. A man who is kind, and who is honest, unless of course his honesty would be unkind, then he should be diplomatic, but still firm, both in integrity and physique. He should be devilishly handsome and angelically humble. And whether it be the rolling seas or the towering skyscrapers, he should love his work, and love it even more when he rushes home to ask how my day has been. The sort of man who can laugh fondly at a memorial service, shed a tear at a wedding, and cry openly after making passionate love. As a lover we would be gentle but rough, ruggedly soft yet delicately rigid. He loves the great outdoors, animals, large families, and pasta. He enjoys wearing sweaters, despises the color aqua-marine, and eats pineapple for breakfast every Sunday morning. He whistles showtunes, donates spare change to organ grinder monkeys, and makes a wish during every lunar eclipse. He has never known the pain of a broken heart, nor has he ever sprained his wrist while moving furniture, though he does suffer from tennis elbow and he gets dreadfully angry at crossword puzzles, and he has has the sweetest smile in the entire world. (Pause.) Oh, and he's rich.

You can order the complete script of Curse of the Pharaoh's Kiss at Amazon.com.