Witty Mother's Day Quotes

Mother and daughter
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A chuckle and good humor—that could be your gift to your mother on Mother's Day. Use these witty Mother's Day quotes to crack her up. Pin up posters with witty Mother's Day quotes to pack a punch. She will appreciate your sense of humor and your tactful expression.

Roseanne Barr
"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom."

Rodney Dangerfield
"My mother never breast-fed me; she told me she only liked me as a friend."

Erma Bombeck
"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway."

Larisa Oleynik
"If my mom reads that I am grammatically incorrect, I will have hell to pay."

Phyllis Diller
"I want my children to have all the things I could not afford. Then I want to move in with them."

Milton Berle
"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?"

Bob Monkhouse
"My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh."

Peter De Vries
"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after."

Buddy Hackett
"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it."

Nora Ephron
"What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you."