Humanities › Literature Witty Mother's Day Quotes Share Flipboard Email Print Daniel Kulinski/ Moment/ Getty Images Literature Quotations Quotations For Holidays Funny Quotes Love Quotes Great Lines from Movies and Television Best Sellers Classic Literature Plays & Drama Poetry Shakespeare Short Stories Children's Books By Simran Khurana Education Expert M.B.A, Human Resource Development and Management, Narsee Monjee Institution of Management Studies B.S., University of Mumbai, Commerce, Accounting, and Finance Simran Khurana is the Editor-in-Chief for ReachIvy, and a teacher and freelance writer and editor, who uses quotations in her pedagogy. our editorial process Simran Khurana Updated May 09, 2019 A chuckle and good humor—that could be your gift to your mother on Mother's Day. Use these witty Mother's Day quotes to crack her up. Pin up posters with witty Mother's Day quotes to pack a punch. She will appreciate your sense of humor and your tactful expression. Roseanne Barr"I know how to do anything—I'm a mom." Rodney Dangerfield"My mother never breast-fed me; she told me she only liked me as a friend." Erma Bombeck"When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway." Larisa Oleynik"If my mom reads that I am grammatically incorrect, I will have hell to pay." Phyllis Diller"I want my children to have all the things I could not afford. Then I want to move in with them." Milton Berle"If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?" Bob Monkhouse"My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh." Peter De Vries"A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car for ever after." Buddy Hackett"My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." Nora Ephron"What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you."